First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love

Oasis ChurchMarriageLeave a Comment

Love is NOT lengthy make-out sessions, spontaneous hangouts, and care-free adventures together. While many people would agree with that statement, it still seems to be the foundation of most young marriages. For most of us, It takes years of marriage before we ever experience real love; the kind that demands selflessness, sacrifice & suffering.

When you were dating, it was mostly fun and romance with a little drama sprinkled in to make it interesting. One thing led to another, and before you knew it you were standing in front of a pastor or a judge declaring your everlasting commitment to one another.  

Of course, marriage brings a whole new set of responsibilities and expectations. The ocean of life either swallows marriages whole or it just slowly crashes against the relationship until the blissful feelings erode. 

There are seasons of marriage where, if you were not married, you would quit the relationship. Sometimes the only thing that holds a relationship together is the marital contract, itself. At some point, you will feel “stuck”. 

When the feelings have washed away, the romance is gone, and everything you once had seems to have been replaced with constant arguing, misunderstandings & pain.

Then, it’s in this season that you will learn a few truths about love.

  • love is not a feeling, it is a decision.
  • love is not about emotion, it is about devotion.
  • love is patient with what is and hopeful of what could be.
  • love doesn’t solve problems.
  • love is best understood after you’ve suffered for it.

Sometimes, when a marriage is suffering, one or both persons making an attempt to cut the legal ties and move on. They say “we don’t love each other anymore.” However, it is in these moments that we should consider the truths above, dig in, and work tirelessly to understand the true depths of love. Let the legal ties alone hold your marriage together as you discover a love that you never learned about in the fairy tale books. It will be difficult. You’ll be pushed to the limits. But you won’t regret it.

If it wasn’t for the legal ties of marriage, then many would never know true love. 

Only when you fall “out of love” can you truly learn “how to love.”  Once you allow your old perspective of love to die, then you can experience a rich, deeper, long-lasting kind of love.

This is why I say “first comes marriage, then comes love.” Because you don’t know what love truly is until you’ve stopped “feeling” the love, and started CHOOSING to love in spite of your feelings.

— Bill Rose // Lead Pastor

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